Recently on Brooke Knows Best, Hulk Hogan said that he no longer believed in marriage, and that marriage just ruins a good thing. Obviously, anyone can see why the Hulk would be bitter towards marriage, but does he have a point? Do people get too complacent and comfortable once they get married? Do they no longer work towards making each other happy?
Stanley T is the only married member of The Morning Mash Up, and says that in all honestly once the honeymoon stage of a few years things really do change. Husbands no longer do things for their wives that they did to make them happy before they were married, and wives act the same way towards their husbands. Things you once enjoyed doing for each other, or with each other, become chores.
Are you guilty of falling into the same trap? Do you believe that marriage ruins a good relationship? Plus, if you’re going strong then give us some advice on how to avoid what seems to happen to so many couples.
Maybe we fall into the “honeymoon” stage, but my husband and I have been married for 2 years, living together for 5 years before that. We’ve been best friends since we were 17 years old. We are both 31 now – He is still my best friend. I trust him, argue with him, and value him above everyone else in my life. I don’t see that changing. I think many people get married for different reasons, not necessarily the right ones, which can wear off quickly if you don’t have a good bond or relationship base to start the marriage.
I love being married and my husband and I are always doing things for each other. He tells me all the time that it’s the “little things” that make the difference. I think he is right and most people forget that.
Yes when any two people are together for a while we all tend to get in a comfort zone. I have been married for 4 years now, but with the same guy for a total of 8 years. We are no longer inthe honey moon stage and yes the things my husband used to do for one another have become chores. For us marraige is worth all the work because in the end we know we can always count on one another if things get hard for one of us. Also dating sucks! We hope neither one of us have to go through the hell of dating.
I was with my ex husband for 10 years before we got married. It lasted for 3 years after that before he left for another “woman”. I used to think that marriage was the cause of our demise but honestly in the long run I believe it was the stress of having children. We became Mommy and Daddy instead of husband and wife…by the time it was realized by either one of us, the relationship was over, and he sought love elsewhere.
My husband and I have been married for 3 years, dated for a year and a half, and were friends five years prior to that. We have an amazing marriage! I’m more in love with him now then when we started dating and the day we got married for that matter. He is my best friend. Listening to the radio show on the way home I am reminded how lightly most people in the world take commitment anymore. The “traditional father and mother” not only raise their children with morals, but teach them the definition of a true life long commitment. Why do you think 1 out of every 2 marriages end in divorce today and not 20 years ago? People have lost that responsibility. Marriage is a whole lot more than just a piece of paper. It is a bond of love that can never be broken if you have married your true soul mate. It is the person you can’t see your life one second without. Our relationship grows stronger each day through good and bad. If you think marriage is a piece of paper, first you don’t love the person you’re with enough, and two you aren’t ready for marriage in the first place. Like anything marriage is what you make of it. People just grow comfortable men and women in a long term relationship married or not married. They choose for things to fizzle. And the easy thing is to just quit.
And by the way…I thought paying for an XM subscription meant that their were no radio shows or commercials….if I wanted to hear these ridiculous conversations after working 12.5 hours all night then I would just listen to AM/FM radio.
I will tell you that marriage doesn’t ruin a relationship, my husband & I are going on 18 years on the 27th of this month & we still are madly in love. We do things together & for each other. If the people in the marriage don’t pay attention to each other, communicate with each other or try to work out their problems, then it won’t work, they are doomed. They need to find things in common to spice up their marriage if it stuck in the same routine.
I was listening to your show this morning (I too thought I was paying for XM to avoid pointless radio shows like this) and could not disagree with all of you more.
My husband and I have been friends since high school, dated after college and have been married for two years. We are still best friends and love being married. Being married is about so much more than the number of times you have sex (which is still 4-5 times a week thank you very much) or how people “change”. It’s about having your best friend by your side through life- sharing the ups, the downs and everything in between.
It infuriates me to think that there are such ignorant people who actually believe marriage is a “piece of paper.”
After 5 years of dating and 2 years of marriage I still get butterflies every time I walk in the door to see my husband.
i have been with the same guy since i was 15 and am now 31 we will be celerbrating 10 years of marriage this year. It is hard work and i think people who say it isnt are not in the right relationship. You dont always get along everyone fights once in a while. While we work different hours we tell each other about our days everyday. I take care of the kids during the day and work at night while he works during the day. I understand how people get comfortable in the marriage and forget what its like to have all that time when you are just dating. When you are dating you make time for each other and the thought of spending time with that person makes you happy. after you get married and have kids making time for each other becomes harder. we put the kids to bed and even if it just sitting on the couch saturday night together we still get sometime with each other. He is my best friend and i could not see my life with out him. he is everything to me next to the kids. We have a special trip planned every year labor day weekend just the 2 of us and it help us remember what we love about each other when sometime people forget. Even if everyday is not hearts and lovesongs its work and that what makes it all worth it. When you have that person that you can see yourself with in 60 years looking back on a good life.
I think Reality TV shows ruin marriage…that seems to be the trend these days!
Maybe my opinion doesn’t count because I have only been married for a year, but me and my husband were together 7 years before we tied the knot, and had lived together for 3 of those 7 years. After one year of marriage it still felt the same as when we just dating/engaged. I agree with Nicole and think regarless of being married, your relationship is going to change and grow with the couples growths and changes. I can only assume that some people forget as to why they got married..they get caught up in their careers, children, ect. I think it’s important as couples, to not ever forget why we said those vows in the first place. For the person who said she married just because of a insurance for a baby, I think it is safe to say that you probably won’t be happy and I don’t think her situation really counts. I married my husband because he is an amazing person- he has a great sense of humor, he always makes me laugh, and he has been my rock through so many tough times, I can’t imagine not loving him or not feeling like he’s my best friend..and now that we’ll have been “together” for 8 years, I can say my love has only grown deeper and my devotion stronger.
As far as sex goes, I think the “humping like rabbits” stage always goes away unless you are two extremely horney people. When you first start having sex..it’s great, it’s new, it’s fun…but usually when you move in together, you don’t feel the need to have sex all the time and with work, school, kids and/or social life, sometimes it’s not as frequent as you’d want it. For the first 4 years we were long distance so we’d only see each other once a month, so that weekend HAD to make up for the month. In the end, if you really want to be happy in your marriage or any important relationship you have to work at it, both of you
It’s also important to remember, no one relationship is the same, and just because someone else can’t take care of their marriage, or lets their marriage fall apart, or complains about marriage..doesn’t mean that it will be the same for you- as you are two completely different couples.
YES!!!! the main cause for divorce is marriage. i live with my boyfriend, 2 years now & i wouldn’t ruin our relationship with marriage. we get along great, xcept i’m a woman there for i’m a bitch , but i’m trying to improve. i quit drinking to help our relationship, not because of him, but because of how i was acting towards him when i drank. i don’t regret it.. but if we were to get married, i think we’d regret it. been married 2 times, that’s enough to tell me things change , were perfect now, don’t fix something if it’s not broke…
Marriage doesn’t ruin relationahips, but the complacency and neglect that people show to their relationship over time ruins relationships, married or not. I am divorced, have been with the same person for the last 12 years and don’t have the legal ability to marry her. We have had our own ups and downs, but we have come to recognize each other’s ‘triggers’ and respect each other’s differences. If we could get married, we wouldn’t because neither of us are adamant about having that either way. However, we own a house together, have raised 3 kids together and now are enjoying the next generation with our grand-kids. Whether you get married or not, if you pursue a relationship with someone whose company you enjoy more than anyone else’s, and you nurture that, you will have a good relationship. Otherwise, you are sunk, married or not. Love the show, people who don’t have hundreds of other stations to choose from. Why don’t they just pick 1 instead of weighing in with their negative comments!???
I have been happily married for 5 years. I totally disagree with the hulk. I have not changed neither has my husband. We don’t agrue, we made each other a promise at the beginning of our marriage that instead of fighting that we would always talk about it no matter how mad we was at each other. As far as sex goes we actually have more sex now than what we did when we was just dating. So marriage can be a good thing.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 10 years and we’re happily unmarried. To us, it is just a piece of paper that we don’t need but I don’t think marriage ruins a relationship, people do. If you don’t work at it and try to keep things fresh, any partnership will go stale. That’s just laziness and allowing yourself to fall in a rut. Any relationship can become “comfort food” if you forget that variety is the spice of life.
No way Hulk! Marriage is great! Best thing I have ever done. My hubby and I have been together for 11 years and we’ve been married for just over 5 years. Every year we get closer and more sappy. And hubby isn’t all lame and fem, he’s a former Marine, a cop, and an MMA fighter, so he’s all man! The only time sex slows down is when we are both stressed and over worked, which happens whether or not your married… there was some total hotness in the bedroom last night! I think people get lazy over the years and they blame marriage.
Linda Hogan is toe up from the flo up and she’s annoying. In that case, the Hulk is right, but it’s not universal
Marriage doesn’t ruin a relationship.
People who get married then stop trying – THAT is what ruins a relationship. People think that because they have a ring on their finger they are “locked in”. That’s not true. Those rings just signify that you have made a commiment to someone to be there for them through the good and the bad. But so many people don’t. So when you don’t hold up your end of the commitment – the marriage fails.
I’m soon to be 21 years old – I’m not married. but I have seen the marriage between my mom and dad go through some really trying times – but they stuck together through it all – and they’re going to be celebrating their 14 year anniversary on the 28th!
Look, even though not a lot of people will tell you they get married for the reason of doing this, but most people want to get married with the ones they fall in love with so that the realtionship gains to the point of this is the person you will spend forever with, and they can have the intamacy the married people have that some people find is still inappropriate for unmarried life. You don’t consider it when all the relationships you’ve had is about sex like the adults who are calling telling you no because it ruins life and you can just move in and still be the way you are. It is up to the person and the realtionship they have. Who knows, Brooke Hogan could WANT to get married for great reasons like ummm well idk LOVE!!!! Just because Hulk Hogan and his wife split because of all the crap they were IN LOVE!!! HELLO! He can lie all he wants but they wouldn’t have stayed together that long had they NOT LOVED one another! DUH!!!!!! His marriage is just an example that somethings don’t work out but hey THATS LIFE!!
I’ve been happily “unmarried” for seven years with my honey, granted I was quite young when we started dating, we’ve been living together for four. I wanted to get married before, because culturally I was told that is what is right, but changed my mind when I met him. In traditional Native American Culture, which is what we both are, there are no big fancy weddings or rings, you are just together because you want to be, because it’s natural, like wolves. I want to be together because we want to be, not because a paper says we have to be. Our next big relationship step will be having children, that to me is a much much bigger commitment then marriage.
I have been with my second husband for 4 1/2 years, we both brought two kids to the marriage. He did not marry the mother of his children. They are at an age now where they gladly tell anyone their life story which goes a little something like this; “my dad never married my mom, he was just her boyfriend and when I was a baby he moved out!” I don’t know about you but theres an honesty issue here and I’d rather have the story sound a little less embarrasing than that. That’s why marriage is important to me. Things haven’t changed any in our relationship since marrying we love being with each other and the bedroom stuff has never been better. I thik that’s what happens when you marry the person you are really meant to be with, naturally you just want to get married because you want that person to always be yours!
My husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for a 3 years and we have 2 children.
Things change. We have different jobs, a mortgage payment and children, which are all big adjustments.
My husband and I talk about this a lot, but I’m sorry if after getting kids ready, dropping them off at school, working, rounding kids back up, dinner, dishes, homework and baths I’m not jumping at the chance for another few rounds with my husband.
Marriage is defintely work. But work well worth it!
Also one other thing – I heard on the show this morning that no one was calling in saying that they love to be married – maybe it’s because ya’ll won’t answer the phone – and you only put the “marriage haters” on the air. Just my opinion.
I don’t think marriage ruins a good relationship. It seems marriage is just the fall back excuse for relationships going bad. If you think about it, any relationship changes over time, not just when married.
I heard comments regarding married couples “letting themself go” and “no more romance”. Well, I think in most cases “letting oneself go” is just what happens when you live life. Children are born, women naturally put on weight, it is a big struggle generally to get the weight off, especially when you are eating on the go all the time chasing after kids. Women are supposed to put on weight in their childbearing years, it is a biological fact. Also, breastfeeding children is best for them, however it is hell on the breasts. And lets face it, gravity works people. Those puppies aren’t going to stay perky forever, regardless of kids.
And naturally men will start to gain some weight as well when “family time” replaces “guy’s night” playing basketball or golf. Also, romance is easy when it is just the two of you. But it is work to keep the romance when completely sleep deprived because of the new baby, or when there is no time for a date because of soccer practice and tutoring and boy scouts.
People also change throughout their lives, it is inevitable. You learn and you grow, it is the process of living. Some couples grow together, some grow apart, and it has nothing to do with marriage. But, I think marriage gives a reason to work harder to stick together instead of just walking away. It is much more difficult to get divorced than to break up. If it wasn’t difficult, people would just be breaking up and moving on whenever things got hairy in a relationship, instead of really putting an effort into working it out. They always seem to see that greener grass on the other side. What people fail to realize is that you still need to tend that lawn, water and mow it, or it will die too (forgive the metaphor).
I am on my second marriage. My first one didn’t last obviously, I was very young and that wasn’t my brightest moment. However, I have now been married for 7 years. My husband and I are best friends and still love eachother very much. But it isn’t always easy, sometimes it takes work. We’ve faced very difficult times, and have had to overcome them. But that is what marriage is, loving eachother, in good times AND bad. Helping eachother through it, having someone to be your partner so you aren’t alone in life. Noone can do it all alone.
So, to make a long comment even longer, I think marriage is only a mistake when it is entered into lightly without really considering if the love you feel is maybe just infatuation because everything is “perfect”, or if it something that is truly worth working at in the future when things might not always be so perfect. A good friend once told me that she was on a date at a function with many white collar upper class people. She was standing with her date and a group of guys, all chatting it up. Her date asked one of the guys “Hey, where is your wife? I know you can’t go anywhere without her.” And the guy looked at her date, and said, “See, that is where you are wrong. I just won’t go anywhere that I can’t take her.” Just something to think about.
I have been with my boyfriend for the past 6 years and we have lived together for 4 of those years. People tell us all the time how they think it’s really cool that we still act like we just started dating and how it’s awesome that we are so crazy about each other, and they tell us all the time how they want a marriage like ours!! (but we’re not married..) I am at the point in our relationship where all I can think about is either moving forward (getting married) or moving on. We talk about everything, including getting married. We have friends that are already married and have received their take on the whole marriage thing. I found all the comments on the show this morning really interesting as I have heard everything that people have to say about it…some good, some great, some awful…but it always comes back to “Marriage is what you make it, it isn’t hard, but it isn’t easy either.” So after all of it, I want to know what exactly is so terrible about getting/being married?
I think that the piece of paper has nopthing to do with it is all in your head. I married my bestfriend and we feel like newlyweds 9 years and going strong. If you find the right person you will know it doesn’t take work to make the relationship work. If you have tto change for someone then that is NOT the person for you! Best Wishes,
Tammy
I believe sharing the same space is what causes relationship problems. I have been married for 29 years and am ready to move out and live by myself so I can have control over my own life. I love this person as a very good friend but not as a husband.
I hate how people are saying marriage isn’t worth it. My parents just celebrated 31 years together. They met in college, dated for a year, and got marrried. Unlike most people today, they waited to have sex and had kids AFTER they were married. Today, everyone says that’s unrealistic. All I know is I could not have asked for a better family. After all that time together, my parents truly love each other. I think everyone who lives together are afraid of the commitment of marriage. They use the “we don’t need a piece of paper to declare our love” as a cop-out. They don’t want to have to work on marriage. So they live together, no strings attached. Marriage is about committing your entire self to that one special person, in the good and bad times. More importanty, God created marriage. It souldn’t be taken lightly. Too many people today rush to get married for whater reason and give it no thought. Why do you think the divorce rate is so high? No one wants to commit anymore. Marriage is totally worth it!!!
Being @ my 2nd marriage and 1st kid, Stan’s remarks during the show were like reading my lips…the (alleged) exceptions posted above are just enforcing the rule
I want to get married and am quite frankly, getting tired of all of the excuses on why he won’t make that final commitment. We have been together for almost 4 years and I think that it is time. We have lived together most of those years and already do what married couples do, so why not make it official? I am embarrassed to be a 36 year old divorcee who has to introduce him as my boyfriend! I hate it and am ready to say the word Husband out loud again.
Kris in WY
Kris- I agree. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years, were friends 2 years before that, and living together for 5 years. I am so ready for the next step (marriage that is). If I ask him if he wants to spend the rest of his life me, he says he thinks about it alot. We’ve looked at rings, but in the end he says it’s just a piece of paper. He wants kids with in the next 2 years…um..hello! I would like to be married before that happens! Joy said it best that living together unmarriend is no strings attached, I want a commitment!!